A South Dakota ‘Rant’ on the Pesky Tiny Gnats!

My skin is crawling. Just thinking about writing about something so small shouldn't intimidate anyone. If I close my eyes I can almost feel one crawling up my nose right now, or hear the sound of those tiny wings as one crawls in my ear. And really, really what is the infatuation with hair that has been cropped close to the head, what is the need to be near or on my head during the summer months?!

As you can tell, I'm not a fan of gnats. I've always been infatuated with the spelling, loving the soft G or calling them Gah'-nats, just to get a rise out of people from places like Des Moin-ez. Gah'-nats, drive me Gah-Nuts!

Every time I think I can't bear another South Dakota winter, every time I reach for the  goosedown and gloves and think, if only I moved where the weather was warmer these little F(*&ks start swarming again and suddenly I can't stop thinking about a hard freeze and Fall!

A few years ago, gnats even drove me from a deer stand. I was sitting up there on a nice day, no wind about 75 degrees, on deer so I was trying not to move and one was trying to burrow it's way into my sinuses via the corner of my eye. You might say, I'm not a fan.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a cow, or a horse, or a rabbit or anything living outside that doesn't have access to some kind of repellent. I love summer, I love Sioux Falls, I love South Dakota. I love hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet, and little puppies as long as they prove to be house broken, but I do not like Gnats.

If you share my deep hatred of gnats, or would like to try to impress me with your infinite knowledge of why we need gnats, or how these gnats are a good and necessary thing, you can reach me at jdcollins@kikn.com. I'll listen, but doubt I'll be moved. I-Don't-LIKE, GNATS!