A famous restaurant chain that many Sioux Falls residents would like to have in town is never going to come.

In a statement, the franchise's CEO Priscilla Franklin-Chang said that the company currently had no plans to open a location in Sioux Falls. The statement also stated that "Satan will buy a snowblower before we open up shop there."

This news was devastating to many, including Abba Carr.

"I ate there when I was in Denver and it was pretty good," Carr said. "I don't get why they won't open up here? We only have 7,000 restaurants. We definitely need another one."

Chip Otle thinks differently.

"We have enough restaurants and we have more than enough serving that," Otle said. "If it wasn't for all these fancy big city places showing up we'd still have Gigglebees!"

Gigglebees, the family-friendly arcade and pizza joint, closed in July of 2008 and it's locally famous mascot, Wilbur the Coyote, has been homeless and living out of his tricycle ever since.

"I don't give an ass' fanny if that restaurant comes to town," the Coyote said. "If it does I'm sure they'll just end up heartbroken, worthless, and alone, just like me."

This is satire. It’s not real, obviously. But it was fun to write. ~Andy

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