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Ask Olivia – How to Get a Woman to Initiate Sex Even Though Women Don’t Often Have to Initiate Sex

Ask Olivias

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Most men at some point or another have had the fantasy of their wife or girlfriend coming at them all hot and ripping their clothes off to get at them. Well this may just be a fantasy for some.

Women rarely initiate sex, and there are a number of reasons why they don’t. Let’s go over a few of these reasons and some solutions to those issues, and soon she’ll be all over you like you may have fantasized about.

First off, let’s face it… women don’t often have to initiate sex. Every woman knows that her guy will let her know when they are ready to get it on. Since you’re the one that’s usually asking for it, why should she?

This is the easiest fix to accomplish. For example, if you usually do the dirty a couple of times a week she may expect intimacy at those times, every time. So, as hard as it may be, try to hold off for a week.

During this ‘restraint week’ tease her subtly by giving her long passionate kisses, sensual massages, or caressing her while watching television or a movie. When you feel that she might be getting turned on slowly pull away and continue whatever it is you were doing in a non-sexual manner. A week of this teasing will drive her nuts, and she’ll be on you like stripes on zebras by Saturday night.

A lot of women have the idea that if they initiate sex this makes them “slutty” or “easy”, this probably has nothing to do with you, it’s just something that was deep-rooted in them by society.

In order for her to get this out of her mind you need to let her know that it is ok for her to want to start your intimate time together. You can easily do this while out for dinner or drinks, or just lounging around the house.

Ask her what turns her on and after she gives you her response, share with her that it would really get you going if she initiated sex every once in a while. If she tells you that she couldn’t do that then remind her that since you are a couple, it’s absolutely ok for her to do so. Let her know it doesn’t change how you view her, and it could even boost your intimacy as a couple.

Of course, there is always the chance that she is just too shy or insecure about her body to initiate sex. Which is entirely understandable considering mainstream media has been showing you beautiful airbrushed babes since you first started “buffing the wood”.

Ladies have been exposed to these images also, and have been comparing themselves to them for just as long. If she doesn’t like showing her goodies, it’s probably because she’s just not comfortable doing so.

This can mean that you need to stop telling her how much you love her legs. What?

Well, Pamela Regan Ph.D., a psychologist at California State University in Los Angeles says, “If you say something nice about her breasts, she’ll just wonder why you don’t like her butt.” To get her feeling sexy and wild go for general compliments instead, like “Your body is incredible.” These overall compliments will make her feel more at ease with her body and will make her want to show off more for you.

When it comes to shyness or insecurity she is likely to be afraid of rejection, which could be why she doesn’t want to initiate the hanky panky. Women, like men, are afraid of rejection but since they aren’t usually the ones to initiate, the pain of rejection can be a lot harder for women to deal with.

Women are also programmed to believe that if they are rejected, something is wrong with them. So encourage her every move, if she puts her hand on your thigh, keep it there. If she gives you a kiss, then you should actively kiss her back. If she runs her hands through your hair, then you should turn to putty in her hands. This may sound extremely cheesy but it will help!

You can even take it a step further and tell her that you really love it when she (insert favorite move here). After doing things like that and giving her tons of positive reinforcement she may no longer feel afraid of rejection, and may even start initiating a romp in the hay on her own. If not, just let her know that you would really like it if she did.

Another reason she may not be initiating is that she simply doesn’t know how. Some women just don’t have a clue about how to get you in the sack without flat out telling you. She might think that if she tries some new fancy trick you’ll think she’s a “slut”, she may even assume that you’ll think she learned it somewhere else!

So again, just keep the lines of communication open and let her know it is okay to “holla back” every once and awhile.

A possible stealthy solution would be to give her a clean source of information and ideas to try in the bedroom. Redbook magazine can easily be the fountain of ideas she’s been looking for.

On average this magazine has more information about sex techniques than any other women’s magazine. Tell her you just stumbled across it at the super market, or casually lay it on the counter. It won’t be long before she’s searching for “35 New Places to Touch a Man.”

Just remember to take things slow and easy. Even if she doesn’t initiate sex, if she’s not rejecting it either, don’t make problems where there are none. It might just be personal preference. Talk to your lady, treat her right, and let her captain the love boat every now and then. You might like the results!

Read Also: Manscaping - A Man's Guide to Grooming

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